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DID YOU REALLY DIE?

The events of that night seem so unreal
And disillusioned is usually how I still feel
You died in my arms as I watched your last breath
But I've yet to accept the truth of your death
I lay in the grass and look to the sky
Not believing, at all, that my baby can fly
I know you have died 'cause your body's not here
But I search for you, Connell, and want you near
Your car seat sits empty, behind mommy's seat
Yet I wait and wait for the kicking of feet
I fluff all your clothes and dust off your toys
Hoping you'll return to play with the boys
Your soccer ball sits, on the porch, in the crate
Waiting for you and your favorite teammate
Before I lay down, I check in your bed
Expecting to bend and kiss your sweet head
I visit your grave and stare in shock  
At the name that I see carved in the rock
I wonder if life will ever feel right
Or if this dark tunnel ever sees light
I know all the facts; they're hard to deny 
Yet reality escapes me . . . did you really die?

- Connell's Mommy